August 10th, 2021
crash
Overall
I haven’t posted a blog in the past 10 or so days. In that time; I finished a digital art piece, ran a few miles, got a good paying job, and Feliz has tried to leave me 4 times. Hell the most recent attempt might even be successful. I’m currently writing from the corner of my closet as my stones ass friends play the piano. We’ve been here for an hour. I’ve just been thinking the whole time. I don’t know what to do about Feliz. She said she’s gonna block me on all socials and dump me tomorrow. It makes me so sad. It’s like such a deep sadness that I can’t even cry. I just feel like my life didn’t even slowly fall apart it just shattered all at once. I pray to god that she is drunk and she actually still loves me. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Joe took her phone today and sat me down and sat I was the first person she’s been with where he wasn’t at all worried about our future, and that he would be really upset if Feliz stopped loving me. Little does he know what’s happening behind the curtains. I just don’t know. She makes me so happy and I don’t want to say that I’m less of a person without her but that’s just how I feel. If it were up to me everyone else in the world would disappear so we could spend all our days together alone, and never have to worry about the pressure of day to day life. Maybe one day. I just want to make her not hurt. I can’t stand the idea of her telling someone else all the things I did wrong, and telling him I don’t mean anything to her. Anything but that. I just want to wake up tomorrow and make her happy. So bad. I’m so sorry. I still love her. So much. I feel like a fucking idiot. I love Feliz.